by cloudunconscious.

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A collection of aches.


released July 7, 2017



all rights reserved


cloudunconscious. Washington, D.C.

Euphemisms for a series of crises.

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Track Name: Revising a Road to Ruin
Nothing is as it seems.
Well it must be
sad to see your
crystal ball
not so clear
after all.

Endless days of night shifts.
All a test of patience.
One day I'll be weightless.
My miscalculations
chose this path, the beaten.
Walk it no more, leave it
Make your peace and recede.

The shorter the story, the bigger the mess.
The longer I go on, the harder it gets.
But rest assured,
I've found the cure
we're all dying for.
Now I feel uneasy.
I'm starting to sweat,
and I feel my heart
beating out of my chest.
If only the days where
I clung to your breast
would help brace for impact
of what would come next.

Just complicate things.

You've come way too far just to give in.
Get a grip on it.

Nothing is as it seems.
Well it must be
sad to see your
crystal ball
not so clear
after all.

Penance for the evening.
Taken quite the beating
Weakened and my deep wounds
sutured shut and bleeding
only seem to deepen.
Now I seem to pretend
everything is pretend
everything is pretense

Just complicate things.
Get a grip on it.
Track Name: Acting on Impulses
Far from all these places,
and I can't seem to find my way home.
Somehow I've forgotten
every single face that I've known.
I can't bear to lead you astray,
even after all you've done.
You made me drink this poison,
now look at what I've become.

It's all in the evidence I missed.
Coherent, transparent.
Why couldn't I have thought of this?
A lost cause, forget it.
Where is this medicine I crave?
My sickness, it worsens.
Questions left with answers you could never give me, and nor could I you.

Day in day out
left to my own devices
Nowadays I mostly just sit in silence
wondering what could've been,
and where it went.

Pick apart the pieces of my brain;
put them in any order.
Such a fucking shame, I can't abstain
the sight of your frame.
Here we go again, I'm on my own.
Back on this lonesome road.
Make a quick recovery.
The surgeon said to me.

Find the blue lights
and let me know when you get there
Track Name: Brain Cells
Blank stares from painted window panes
show me just what went missing.
Those days, no ordinary days.
Before they started slipping.

There blows the coldest winter wind.

Have a seat,
pull out a mirror,
and tell yourself a story.
What happened to the ways
set into place by those before me?
[well what the hell am I doing
losing all my brain cells inside this
I long to see the places I should not be going.]

There blows the coldest winter wind.
(Maybe) I swear it's (just) all a distraction.

So why have I just been here all day?
Another time,
a moment
for me to rewind and press replay.
Gathering the components
and finding all of the words to say,
that I've been your opponent.
I know that it'll be hard to face,
[I am the reason that you

Creature of habit,
acting on impulse.
Walking cadaver,
dead to the world.
The former. The latter.
The before. The after.
The effects. I remember
all too godamn well.

Shards of something,
clear like crystal,
puncturing my skin.
Buried away
underneath it.
Shards of something,
clear like crystal,

tear me
from within.
Shards of something,
clear like crystal,
reducing me to shreds.
Track Name: Lost at Sea
I never told her "If you pull me closer, I'll be on my way." You'll call me over, but once you're sober you'll have nothing to say. Now once again I'm staring at the ceiling trying to ward off this sinking feeling.

And I awoke to the sound of decay rush from your aging face. (It's true)
But don't just stand there, wake me up from this nightmare.

Don't you remember that one December, before it got erased? So now I sever all of these tethers, and break from your embrace. but this is not the life you wanted. The colors washing off of the writings on the walls. Can you sing them back to me?

And I arose to the sight of your frame crumble and fade away. (You're bruised) Listen I'm sorry that I could not write it all down for you.

Tell me this disaster is not what you were after, but watch it pull me underground
children full of wonder whose world was torn asunder by cities turned to cinders and dust. If you abandon all your lovers, you're doomed to writhe and suffer wherever you may go, and I
you will sit in silence and cling to all your vices.
In doing so, leaving you crushed 
Track Name: Pen & Pixel
Stand back
for I've become another shining example of how to ruin you.
Follow me into the shadows where we'll begin collapsing.

You're so insane,
hungry for love,
and obsessive.
Falling back apart from pieces that I've mended. And quite frankly, I've seen enough of these melancholic faces that have been torn anew for you.

You said
it all depends
who was listening
to the words I said.
So let's pretend
these noises break apart my brain,
and rearrange a nightmare
into an endless dream.

If you turn your head,
I might make a break for it.
No promises,
but I can guarantee my absence. I've been somewhere beyond this somewhere, so
be somewhat honest, if not
about where we stand.

You said
it all depends
who was listening
to the words I said.
So let's pretend
these noises break apart my brain,
and rearrange a nightmare
into an endless dream.

What if I'm right?
What if I'm wrong?
Then what's all of this been for?
To find my light
and keep it strong
no matter whatever may come.
I just remember when I was so full of what I now seek out.
Maybe I can find
yet another place and time
for us to recollect
the memories we've made.
And I swear to you,
that if I make it back across the room,
I'll pretend everything wasn't so.

You said
it all depends
who was listening
to the words I said.
So let's pretend
these noises break apart my brain,
and rearrange a nightmare
into an endless dream.
Track Name: Eyes Like Rainy Tuesdays
Shroud yourself in sorrow
to conceal
much more sinister truths.
You hide them behind your eyes,
but I still see straight through.
Cold old corridors
that line way
to your memories.

Sometimes it does and doesn't change.
But what's the weather anyway?

Still not quite recovered from the rains
and the winds undoing.
Desolation every which way.
And by the end of the days
They took everything in sight, and now I'm left wondering
where to go and when I'll find my place
amidst the ever changing.

On those rainy days I recall it all.

I moved away from the view,
but I still get a glimpse of it.

images are
growing older
than what they contain
pictures hanging
oh so crooked frames
Track Name: Happiness & Torture
I walked far away from home, alone
so you followed me
and made not a sound
then send
didn't know
where to go
without you standing next to me."

Your eyes looked so menacing.
Would you care to sing away the sorrows and lull me back to sleep?

Can you hear them call out to you?

The voices in your head are fading away, but never have mine been sedated enough to stay at bay.

Turn you head, you'll find where the water lies
Turn your head, you'll find that the water lies

Can you hear them call out?
Crying out.
Track Name: Forever, The Dying Light
the sound of me
speaking in disbelief
relieves my aching head.
And the thought of you leaving
was only but a dream to me.
Until there came a day
when I saw
light peering from shades.
There was nothing
there for us to be sheltered from,
or was there?

And I hate to admit
that part of me wishes
I hadn't strayed
so far from you.
But in the other hand,
from all I've watched unfold..
Never again indulge the plight of the pathogen.

We'll spend the night
for what happened
When the flood began
to take the shape of
your face.
There is nothing sound,
and it's not safe out.
So I guess I'll just
stay inside for now.

until I'm outside.

Countless nights of
knowns and unknowns
and staying out til we're frozen cold
and hopeless
left us
without a word to speak.

I'd love nothing more
than to take this
knife out of my back,
but it seems that
without it I'd break.
And honestly
I'd love nothing more
than to make this
something lack luster
longer lasting;
all for one more day.

Every day's the same.
It just feels like
nothing gets better.
Sometimes it feels right.
And other times, I don't care to mention
anything about what's been happening
all the while I have been hurting
all of this time that I've been searching for
something worth more than the last dance.
You've been slipping far from my hands.

How do I
not curse
your name?
How do I
still stand
the sight of
your face.
Track Name: A Beautiful Imbalance
[I'm offering the chance
to dance together,
And should you dare indulge me,
well I'd
be happier
to say the least.

at least that's what I think.

Just keep it under control
I say, you
never seemed as
oh so close
as you do now.
Every day I spent wallowing
remember when I fostered

This cycle shows me it meant nothing.
The mistakes I've made will always remain.
But if this sickness taught me something
it was that
I may never escape

the confines of my brain.
Bare the weight on my back
Just to keep it in tact
But I'd be damned if you did the same.

You'd be damned if I did the same.
I'd be damned if you did the same.

I'll let it go
But if somebody's listening
I'll be waiting for these words to mean something
I'll wait
But since nobody's listening
I'll be waiting for these words to cave in on me

I'll be waiting for these words to cave in on me

When all this falls to pieces
I'll be standing in the wreckage.
Just to see if
this could ever mean a thing.

What will that meaning bring?

I wonder if there's even meaning to find at all.