Revising a Road to Ruin

by cloudunconscious.

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04:10
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about

A collection of my aches.

All music and lyrics written, performed, and recorded by Cloud Unconscious.

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released March 28, 2017

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all rights reserved

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cloudunconscious. Washington, D.C.

Euphemisms for a series of crises.

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Track Name: Revising a Road to Ruin
Nothing is as it seems.
Well it must be
sad to see your
crystal ball
not so clear
after all.

Endless days of night shifts.
All a test of patience.
One day I'll be weightless.
My miscalculations
chose this path, the beaten.
Walk it no more, leave it
be.
Make your peace and recede.

The shorter the story, the bigger the mess.
The longer I go on, the harder it gets.
But rest assured,
I've found the cure
we're all dying for.
Now I feel uneasy.
I'm starting to sweat,
and I feel my heart
beating out of my chest.
If only the days where
I clung to your breast
would help brace for impact
of what would come next.

Just complicate things.

I've been spacing out more frequently.

You've come way too far just to give in.
Get a grip on it.

Nothing is as it seems.
Well it must be
sad to see your
crystal ball
not so clear
after all.

Penance for the evening.
Taken quite the beating
Weakened and my deep wounds
sutured shut and bleeding
only seem to deepen.
Now I seem to pretend
everything is pretend
everything is pretense

I'll let it go.
counting the stars.
lost in the constellations.
May the starry night stay young.
Futile endeavor.
Aimless as ever.
Turns out you really can be too careful.

Just complicate things.
Get a grip on it.
Track Name: Brain Cells
Blank stares from painted window panes
show me just what went missing.
Those days, no ordinary days.
Before they started slipping.

There blows the coldest winter wind.

Have a seat,
pull out a mirror,
and tell yourself a story.
What happened to the ways
set into place by those before me?
[And what the hell am I doing
losing all my brain cells inside this
monotony?
I long to see the places I should not be going.]

There blows the coldest winter wind.
(Maybe) I swear it's (just) all a distraction.

So why have I just been here all day?
Another time,
a moment
for me to rewind and press replay.
Gathering the components
and finding all of the words to say,
that I've been your opponent.
I know that it'll be hard to face,
[I am the reason that you
suffocate.]

Creature of habit,
acting on impulse.
Walking cadaver,
dead to the world.
The former. The latter.
The before. The after.
The effects. I remember
all too godamn well.

Shards of something,
clear like crystal,
puncturing my skin.
Buried away
underneath it.
Shards of something,
clear like crystal,

tear me
from within.
Shards of something,
clear like crystal,
reducing me to shreds.
Track Name: Eyes Like Rainy Tuesdays
Shroud yourself in sorrow
to conceal
much more sinister truths.
You hide them behind your eyes,
but I still see straight through.
Cold old corridors
that line way
to your memories.

Sometimes it does and doesn't change.
But what's the weather anyway?

Still not quite recovered from the rains
and the winds undoing.
Desolation every which way.
And by the end of the days
They took everything in sight, and now I'm left wondering
where to go and when I'll find my place
amidst the ever changing.

On those rainy days I recall it all.

I moved away from the view,
but I still get a glimpse of it.

These
images are
growing older
than what they contain
Disassembling
pictures hanging
oh so crooked frames
Track Name: Forever, The Dying Light
the sound of me
speaking in disbelief
relieves my aching head.
And the thought of you leaving
was only but a dream to me.
Until there came a day
when I saw
light peering from shades.
There was nothing
there for us to be sheltered from,
or was there?

And I hate to admit
that part of me wishes
I hadn't strayed
so far from you.
But in the other hand,
from all I've watched unfold..
Never again indulge the plight of the pathogen.

We'll spend the night
apologizing
for what happened
yesterday.
When the flood began
to take the shape of
your face.
There is nothing sound,
and it's not safe out.
So I guess I'll just
stay inside for now.

until I'm outside.

Countless nights of
knowns and unknowns
and staying out til we're frozen cold
and hopeless
left us
without a word to speak.

Obviously
I'd love nothing more
than to take this
knife out of my back,
but it seems that
without it I'd break.
And honestly
I'd love nothing more
than to make this
something lack luster
longer lasting;
all for one more day.

Every day's the same.
It just feels like
nothing gets better.
Sometimes it feels right.
And other times, I don't care to mention
anything about what's been happening
all the while I have been hurting
all of this time that I've been searching for
something worth more than the last dance.
You've been slipping far from my hands.

How do I
not curse
your name?
How do I
still stand
the sight of
your face?
Track Name: A Beautiful Imbalance
I'm offering the chance
to dance together,
forever.
And should you dare indulge me,
well I'd
be happier
to say the least.

at least that's what I think.

Just keep it under control
I say, you
never seemed as
oh so close
as you do now.
Every day I spent wallowing
I
remember when I fostered
hatred.

This cycle shows me it meant nothing.
The mistakes I've made will always remain.
But if this sickness taught me something
it was that
I may never escape

the confines of my brain.
Bare the weight on my back
Just to keep it in tact
But I'd be damned if you did the same.

You'd be damned if I did the same.
I'd be damned if you did the same.

I'll let it go
But if somebody's listening
I'll be waiting for these words to mean something
I'll wait
But since nobody's listening
I'll be waiting for these words to cave in on me

I'll be waiting for these words to cave in on me

When all this falls to pieces
I'll be standing in the wreckage.
Just to see if
this could ever mean a thing.

What will that meaning bring?

I wonder if there's even meaning to find at all.